Responsibilities Can Suck!

So this is probably going to be one of those posts you don't want to read if you want to feel good...I'm fully understanding what it's like to be depressed at times....I don't need medication because I'm able to still pull myself out of it most of the time...but I've definitely been feeling blah this week....I'm tired of doing the same thing with Dad everyday and feeling like no one is there to help....at the same time though I feel childish and selfish for feeling this way....a parent gives up so much for their children and there is honestly no reason why I can't keep doing what I've been doing for an eternity other than I don't want to....I want my life back....I want to be able to sleep whenever I want....I want to schedule my day around my wants, needs, and desires...I'm torn about feeling this way though because I've always been someone that puts other's need above my own....but I think before I always felt like I've had periods where my life was mine and mine alone....I know that when you have kids you feel this way alot....and even though I've always wanted to be a mom I'm wondering if I'm not cut out for it....other than the fact that kids grow up and sleep for more than 6 hours a night and can eventually clean themselves, feed themselves, and entertain themselves and I think I'm losing the hope that Dad will ever be able to do these things for himself again....since September I've taken 4 nights off where I've went and stayed in a hotel to get away and I'm grateful for these getaways and they have been spread out to be about every 6 weeks or so and the last time was from January 1-3....so I think I'm just burnt out....but I don't want to go somewhere to get away...I want to sleep in my bed and stay at my house and watch my TV....I'm telling you...I realize how selfish this is and I hate feeling this way....cuz I'm sure Dad wants the same things....who wants to have to rely on someone else to do everything for you....especially when your mind is completely there and yet your body won't let you do what you need to do....

Please don't feel sorry for me....feel sorry for my dad....I don't feel this way 24/7....its just been happening frequently lately and I think part of my frustration comes from feeling like other than Dad, no one else's lives have changed because of this accident although there could be more people who you would think would be here to help and would want to help...people tell me how amazing of a daughter I am but I don't feel like it at all cuz if I was so amazing wouldn't I be able to tell myself that it's a blessing to be able to be here to help Dad and not have these feelings of regret and anger......I can't do this forever and I want my life back....but I have no idea how to get there....and what's in store for me if/when I get to move on...